Elevator pitches that just won’t work…

I sometimes feel awkward mingling at networking events and the thought of pitching myself in 20 seconds with something memorable gives me the heebie jeebies. Here are a few pitches or memorable phrases that I know won’t work, but may be useful to excercise my mental block demons. Hopefully getting these out of the way I can come up with something that does work!

Hello, (pause) Evan Miracle (Shake hand, maintain eye contact),

  • I’m an avid kickboxer and Octagon of Doom four time champion.
  • I’m a childhood survivor of a concerted campaign of wedgies.
  • My body is made of nearly 50% aftermarket computer parts from Radio Shack.
  • I have three children so these dark circles are all natural with no zombie makeup required.
  • I once ate 11 hamburgers and 2 large fries as well as a large vanilla shake in one sitting for a bet.
  • I am a new convert and Tableau zealot (best used during mingling opportunities at SAS).
  • Scream “Constant Vigilance!” Best used when their back is turned.
  • I wandered in here from ABB on the third floor. I’m just here for the free food.
  • What’s your sign? You’ve got a very interesting and dynamic aura.
  • I’d like to recite for you all of the prologue to Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, “Whan that Aprille with his shoures soote …”
  • Do you ever feel like squirrels are watching you from the trees and oh so silently judging you? Me too! (Note do not wait for answer before saying “Me too”)

It was great to meet you and thank you for coming to talk with us today.

Ask question then …

I would love to follow up with you by email as I have a few more questions. Can I give you my card?

 

Columnist: Evan Miracle

Miracle

 

 

 

 

Blog post originally published on Miracle Analytics Blog

One Reply to “Elevator pitches that just won’t work…”

  1. Evan, this is awesome! Humor can be a great form of creativity, and creativity is the root of innovation. It’s good to laugh and get the ideas flowing. I look forward to reading more!

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